I have a ring I’ve been wearing for a year that says “I AM ENOUGH”. I often look at it, try to own it and feel it, and yet often don’t. The low, dull background chatter of my mind whispers sneaky little phrases like “you are shameful“, “you are weak“, “you are lost“. How often do we allow our minds to create and hum these phrases, phrases that wind subconsciously into our psyche – sapping confidence and paralyzing our lives like a parasitic vine, twisting tighter and tighter until we can no longer breathe? For me, someone so used to feeling the confident steps of exactly how she is moving forward, my sudden lack in direction has obliterated my self-image, self-confidence, and self-love.
People have asked me, “what do you want“…”what do you want from a partner“, “what do you want your life to look like“, “what do you want to do with your professional career“? They propel these phrases and affirmations that “it’s your choice! it’s your life!” as if these things should be freeing, empowering. But being in a space of not knowing myself, and not loving myself, I was (a) unable to answer these questions and (b) terrified by the prospect that I had to make these decisions! To decide what I wanted. I didn’t know what wanted, because I am only starting to love myself enough to own my worth in defining these decisions.
So, I am pushing into the fear of owning and loving myself. My life. My decisions.
This week, I intend to love myself. Start there. Everything else will follow.